The Cat Came Back

 heartbreak, manipulation, subbing  No Responses »
Aug 172011
 
The Cat Came Back

September 12, 2010 – almost a year ago – was the last I heard of Inception guy from my Heartbreak II post. Eleven months later, on August 12, 2011, he called me again. So much has changed with my internal landscape. When he found me last year, I was just starting out. I was learning my limits. I was expanding my horizons. I was exploring undiscovered countries in myself, boldly going with callers where no man had gone before, time and time and time again. And now, while I don’t feel jaded, with hundreds more hours of phone time under my belt, I do feel prepared, educated, and perhaps a bit better equipped to care for myself. During the year, I had found him on [read more...]

Heartbreak and Phone Sex, Part VI

 disability, heartbreak, honesty, issues, limits, phone sex, PSO issues, vertigo  No Responses »
Apr 082011
 

This time, the heartbreak is for me. As I’ve explained vaguely elsewhere on the blog, I have mysterious neurological vertigo which makes me feel drunk all the time. And every now and then, it causes other glitches as well, as if my brain’s electrical systems got fried: I mix up words, I can’t finish a sentence, or writing no longer translates into words. Or, in extremely rare cases of extraordinary exhaustion and vertigo combined, I have little episodes where I don’t make sense for a few seconds, as if I’ve drifted into another reality, and I hallucinate a bit, as if I haven’t slept for days. The basic theory behind my vertigo is that my neurons in part of my brain aren’t recharging fast enough, [read more...]

Heartbreak and Phone Sex, Part V

 disability, favorite stories, heartbreak, issues, phone sex  No Responses »
Feb 032011
 

He found my blog, then my Facebook, and asked if we could do pay-to-view emails instead of phone calls, to help him get to know me first, and because his funds were limited. I’ve been in a writing mood lately, so it seemed like a good fit: I could write, and productively fill time between calls with guaranteed income. I told him not to expect immediate turnarounds, but I was in. His first email described me giving him a back rub, encouraging him, and then sucking him off before he fell asleep, neglecting his promise to go down on me, overwhelmed by sheer bliss. He wanted my reply to be me, the next morning, helping him make good on his promise by showing him exactly [read more...]

Heartbreak and Phone Sex, Part IV

 favorite stories, heartbreak, love, phone sex, technosexual  4 Responses »
Jan 222011
 

He found me through Fembot Central, on the recommendation of my first robot caller. We exchanged a few insightful emails about the nature of android fantasies, the immense variety among practitioners in the fetish, and the specifics that he preferred. His core fetish is about the reveal, in his words, the “sudden lurch into the artificial”. That last phrase illustrates what I’ve found so far in my recent immersion into the community of technosexuals: thoughtful communication, vivid imaginations and rich vocabularies. When I think of the stereotype of men with a robot fetish, I think about Warren and Andrew and Johnathan in season six of Buffy: socially inept basement dwellers with delusions of grandeur and massive latent rage at being so misunderstood. And, y’know, some [read more...]

Heartbreak and Phone Sex, Part III

 heartbreak, other PSOs, phone sex, PSO issues  9 Responses »
Oct 192010
 

Part I was about a first -time caller who captured my concern. Part II was about a regular caller who may have been a two-way addiction. Part III, today’s blog, is about my co-workers, other phone sex operators (PSOs). I had a new caller over the weekend, we’ll call him “Evanston Crush” because he lived part of his life in Evanston, where I went to college (Go Cats!). He’d been reading my blog for two weeks, trying to resist calling me because he didn’t want to know if the persona in his head was different than the reality (which I find endearing and flattering). We had a really sexy call: he asked me about my open marriage, how I pick lovers, how I’ve explored to  [read more...]

Heartbreak and Phone Sex, Part II

 heartbreak, my way, phone sex, PSO issues, role play  3 Responses »
Sep 202010
 

Inception Guy has been my best customer. I just realized he deleted his user account. I think I know why. My heart is full of ache, and hope. This is gonna be a long post – it took me days to write it – so I’m going to use the jump break for the first time. Click the “Read More” to see the whole long convoluted story, with all my convoluted feelings. Calls have always been complicated with Inception Guy. I nicknamed him that because it feels like we crawl around in each others’ psyches, switching characters and roles, edging each other emotionally as well as physically, searching for the next level of intensity. For example, I’m 95% okay with being overweight, as I wrote [read more...]

Heartbreak And Phone Sex

 heartbreak, honesty, humiliation, phone sex, weight  9 Responses »
Sep 132010
 

Me: I’m not very good at humiliating people, and there are dozens of listings who advertise that. Why do you want me to try? Him: Most of them are skinny bitches. I want… like… gentle humiliation. From someone who… I thought you might… Me: I might understand what it’s like to be fat. Him (quietly): Yes. Me: I might understand what it’s like to sit down at a fast food restaurant and feel my flesh hanging off the seat, and wonder if the people behind me are making fun of me. Him: (gasps, pauses, starts to cry). Yes. Me: I might understand how waiters seem to judge you when you order dessert. Him: Yes. Me: I might understand how you spend a plane flight knowing [read more...]